Saying Goodbye

My mom just called to tell me that my dad's best friend from high school died of a massive heart attack yesterday. He was 64 years old. My dad and mom met Walt when they were freshman in high school and was on the basketball team with my dad. He was a tall man with a huge smile, a kind spirit and a tremendously infectious laugh. He was a faithful friend.

I first met Walt when I was about 4 years-old. I had just woken up from a nap and he was standing there in his socks, holding a soda and talking to my dad on the back porch of our house in Florida. We had a lot of construction workers walking around the house because we were doing a renovation. I remember going up to my dad and asking him in a whisper why one of the workmen was standing there in his socks? Walt heard me and chuckled. I heard his laugh and saw his smile and liked him instantly.

As I get older, I realize that my parent's friends and family are at an age where I am having to say goodbye to them. And some of them way too soon. This is tough for me one a few levels. Saying goodbye is difficult enough, but for me these people helped keep my dad's memory alive. They have memories of him that they share that make him less of a ghost. Walt was one of these people. As I say goodbye to him, I say goodbye to my dad all over again.

I have no idea where Walt stood spiritually. It is not my job to judge another person's heart. But I pray from the bottom of my heart that he is, right now, shooting hoops with my dad, his laughing ringing through the courts of heaven.

Doing What You Love

I was talking with a friend recently about how tough the publishing business can be. My friend was expressing her frustration with the music industry where she has worked as a singer and songwriter for the past 10 years. Both of us were in agreement that it is tough to truly do what you love sometimes when you are trying to make a living at those things. She has been very successful but is now taking time off to have children and slow down. Part of her decision to take a break also came from feeling that she became a part of a system that only asked her to produce songs that people wanted to hear instead of what came from her heart and she struggled with that.

I think that is a common and quite sad reality for those of us who live and work in creative fields. I have a novel written and can't seem to find the right publisher for it. I understand the publishing business and know that I am certainly not alone. But I struggle when I hear what publishers are looking for and it seems solely based on what is selling. Now, I was not born yesterday. Money is key. I get it. But I mourn the fact that the creative process is hurt so badly by this. Do I think my book is a bestseller? Not necessarily. But I think it's a nice story that some people may enjoy. (And yes, people besides my mother.) And I have talked with my agent about changing it to fit more of what publishers are looking for. But we always seem to come back around to not changing it just to make it what people want. This then changes what it was originally created to be. (And I thank God every day I have an agent who believes in me and loves my story as it is.)

Yes, I know we need things written because there is an audience for it. But I hope and pray that there are many out there who sit down and pound out stories each day or write songs or paint paintings because they were formed by a tremendously creative God to do so.

Too Much Information

I am an info and techie junkie. I live and die by my iPhone, my computer and anything electronic. However, I have been thinking lately how too much can really be overwhelming. It seems as if we get news now before it even really happens. Gone are the days when a story wasn't published until the writer truly had the entire story - or enough of it anyway.

My latest problem has been with movies. One of my favorite parts of going to see a movie is to see the trailers. But these days, that is not enough. There are now so many clips from movies on uTube that you can see most of the movie before the actual movie comes out. I admit that I am a fan of the Twilight Saga books and now movies. I caved and watched two new clips from the New Moon film the other day and I truly regret it. If I can't wait for the movie, then I have learned to be as impatient as the rest of this generation. And I don't want to kill the experience of sitting in a theater and enjoying the experience for the first time, in complete form.

I also find it frustrating to read about a new film in a magazine and get excited to see it, only to find out that it doesn't come out for another year or more. By the time it is released in theaters I have seen or read so much about it that many times I lose interest, or the actual product is a letdown.

So I have decided to try my best to read what I can, but resist the temptation to see every second on uTube of movie clips and trailers, or read every word of an article. This will be difficult, I know, but as a movie and reading-aholic, I want to make sure I experience these works of art as they were meant to be experienced.

Saturday

There is something about Saturday morning that it truly different than any other. Even in the summer when each day begins to feel just the same as the next - lazy and mellow.

Today I woke up to my dear, sweet husband making me poached eggs - my absolute favorite. As I sat there enjoying my wonderful meal I was taken back to when I was a little girl. Saturday mornings were full of breakfasts like that, listening to my dad's tools whirring as he worked on the house, and playing in the pool with my sister. We played a lot as a family when I was young and I am grateful for that because I know now how to play a lot with my kids. I think playing is important, no matter how old you are.

We are going later today to the movies (one of my all-time favorite things to do) and see Transformers. My boys are out of their minds they are so excited. We will have a leisurely dinner somewhere and enjoy the summer weather. Yes, Saturday is a beautiful thing.

My Children's Health

I took my daughter today to the doctor to be tested for asthma. She hasn't had any major episodes, but she complains periodically when she is playing sports that her chest hurts and it's hard to breathe. The diagnosis was sports and allergy induced asthma.

This is truly not a big deal. And yet I found myself last night unable to sleep, my anxiety level high about all the things that could go wrong with my kids and their health. I felt almost a sense of panic at just having to go into the doctor's office. My children, for the most part, are extremely healthy. In fact, the doctor today asked if we were seeing another physician because it had been so long since we had been in the office. I told her we were not "cheating" we just had healthy kids.

This got me thinking. Am I so comfortable in my cushy existence that I become paranoid at the thought of anything going wrong? There are many other things I worry about as a mom, but why does the subject of their health send me into a mental tailspin? I wonder if it is because of the things that in my mind, I can't control. Granted, I cannot control skinned knees or my daughter's bruises after a softball game. But I don't struggle with those - to me, those are simply a part of life. But what about cancer and diabetes? We don't know exactly what causes then and we desperately search for cures.

I see moms who deal with this every day and I am in awe. I have a dear friend who has a son with autism. She faces it every, single day. I watch her and I am brought to tears at the thought of the selfless attitude she has in caring for her son. She does it with an authentic knowledge of how difficult it is, but without complaint. She is my hero.

My daughter was subdued after her doctor's appointment today. We talked of how she felt there was something wrong with her and she didn't like that. We talked about being grateful for how healthy she is and how this was as simple to deal with as a spray from an inhaler once before each softball practice or game. We prayed for kids with much more to deal with in their lives and for their families. I pray from a mother's heart (and a woman's) that she will continue to see the importance of exercise and healthy eating in a society that is obsessed with only how the outside of a person looks.

I am in no way less stressed tonight than I was last night. But I am grateful. I am grateful that mild asthma was the diagnosis. I am grateful for my friend who shows me daily what a real mom looks like. I am grateful that God knows exactly what my children will face in their lives, and that He is good and He is faithful.

Summer

I love summer. I hate the heat, but I love not having an agenda or being run by the clock. I love not having to pack lunches or get on my kids to do homework. I love staying up late with my husband watching our favorite TV shows on DVD. I love ice cream cones in the afternoon and lazy naps on the sofa.

My kids and I at various times will say that we are bored. I was thinking about this the other day and realized that the world would probably be a better place if we all relaxed our schedule enough to actually get bored every once in a while. It makes me sit and stare at the sky contemplating - well, anything. I find that my brain is not quite so full and I am able to enjoy what is around me - my kids laughing, talking with my friends, or even just time alone in quiet.

When I begin to think about the upcoming fall schedule and all that heads my way, I feel the stress rise in my chest and I have to remind myself to soak it up now because as wonderful as it may be, the summer will not last forever.