But lately I have been thinking about how many times that To Do list stares me down and does nothing but make me feel guilty. (I gave up guilt for Lent last year, so guilt and I have a better relationship than we used to, but it still rears it's ugly head now and then.) And I started to pay attention to the outside sources that add to this angst. I noticed that every women's magazine I enjoy talks about three main topics: how thin I can make my body, how perfect my skin can be, and how I can still have a Martha Stewart home without hurting my budget or waste my time. I noticed that what I read about getting writing done was simply about MAKING the time and being more disciplined. And I saw that when it came to spiritual topics, I was not putting God first because I am not up at 4 a.m. praying for hours and reading my Bible every night before bed.
I have been attempting to take the advice of the resources just mentioned and quite frankly, my To Do list is way too long and I am exhausted.
So here is my question: Whatever happened to simply JUST BEING?
I have found that when I say that statement out loud, the response is usually a friendly, "Hmmm, yes," followed by a look or comment similar to, "But who has the time?" Okaaaay.
When did just being become the equivalent of laziness? Why should I feel that I won't match up if I don't spend an hour washing my face a certain way each night for "perfect, youthful" skin or exercise exactly an hour every day? Why do I feel that my writing will never amount to anything because I sat and played a board game with my daughter instead of writing my 1,500 words that day? Why should I feel guilty that my quiet time with God happens while I am driving around running errands and chatting with Jesus in my car instead of a set time and place?
When I say I like to just be, that in no way means I sit around staring all day. For me, just being means that I have my set goals for the day, but with the open minded attitude that when my friend calls and needs me to help her, I'm going to say yes. It means that when my child wakes up sick that day, I am going to not worry so much about how many words I get written in my book that day, but take time to snuggle and nurture that child. Just being means that I may find myself stopping to look at the sky that has the sun peeking through the clouds and thank God for his awesome hand on my life. I think we miss so much of what is important in life because we are so set on doing things the way others are, and we end up in some crazy competition before we even know it.
My daughter is 13 years-old and she teaches me something every single day. She is a great student, a responsible kid, and a loving person. She plays softball and loves it. Every year, when her regular season is over, she is asked to play on an All-Star team. For the last three years, she has politely declined. The coaches call me and beg and ask to let her play. I have to tell them that my husband and I have left the decision up to her every year. And every year, her answer is the same. "Thank you for the opportunity, but I am still a kid and I would like to have a summer. I want to swim with my friends, hang out with my family, and not be ruled by a schedule." Hmmm, I think she knows how to just be.
When I take the time to just be, I see the person God designed and I like her a lot more than the one with a To Do list in her hand and all the marks checked off.
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